Ever since Jameson was born I have been in the process of revamping myself. I worked hard, made mistakes and learned along the way to get where I am today and I have to say I am proud of who I am. I am a very loving person. After some growth I see things a little more clearly, I have become stronger. I am more confident in my decisions and care less about others approval. In this process I created some necessary walls. I had let some things go.
But I need to see myself more than a mother and homemaker or it could cause me to lose my identity. It is vital to my self worth to be well rounded. While it is important to ensure my babies are taken care of and feel loved, it is equally important to remember who I am in the equation. After all, there are many aspects to my personality and they ALL need to be nurtured: woman, sister, daughter, friend, and mother. I can be one to turn all my attention to just to one subject with the intention to do my very best and focus but can neglect the others. I will then notice how unbalanced that is and see other relationships suffer.
Friendships were one of the areas I gave less of myself to. I was one of the first of any of my friends to get married and become a mother. Not only are many of the friends I have had in the past miles and miles away, our lives have just taken us separate ways. But I still hold weight to a few of those friendships, still know that they are wonderful human beings and hope one day to reunite and enjoy some time together. With all of that being said I have also noticed during the last few years my view on making new friendships has changed. I won’t have a close friend just for convenance, there is no point in false relationships that are filled with emptiness. My time and energy is more valuable than that now that it’s no longer just me I am responsible for. I want to put my energy into buidling a home with my husband, the best mother to my young boys, and being a good example. I have come the conclusion that when the time is right I won’t have to force anything with the right people, people worth surrounding myself and yur children with. Because I won’t open my heart and home to unhealthy relationships freely. When I was younger I wanted people to like me, I longed for acceptance. Because I am a people person. I love all kinds of people and see value differences. But I have learned that I gave too much of myself to friendships, to people that didn’t really see me or value our friendship the same way. And this is why I have created walls, I have intentionally let friendships go knowing that more valuable ones will come a long. But there is such a thing of guarding myself too much, not opening myself up when I should and potentially missing out.
I know it is essential to take time for myself away from being just a mother, because I am more than that. In my family relationships, also making and keeping friends. I have recently made some great connections with women in our new neighborhood. Enjoyed our living room coffee dates and park play dates with our littles. I truly look forward to growing with some of these ladies. I know that friendships bring a great aspect into life and definitely want to give & receive that. And to accomplish that they need my time, attention and love just as much as I need theirs. In other words, both sides need to make an effort. Friendships need positive environment and a place to meet the other halfway. And to do this might also mean that I need to loosen up, some of my walls need to be lowered. I need to accept the differences from my past to the present. Being a mother doesn’t mean I don’t need other people, just means I can benefit and grow with having others in my life and that these relationships are deserving of my attention also. So here is where I find myself, reflecting on the importance of a balanced life.
Thank you for reading, I am sure it was quite the ramble. I share in hopes that my reflection might helps another to remember the importance of growth and self love, to be whole. Because we all have so much to offer.