Today all three of my boys went down for naps without a fuss and fell asleep within minutes of me leaving their room. I had already been going over my to do list that I wanted to accomplish but decided to take some time for myself. It was my first opportunity to really relax in our master bedroom since I started redesigning it.
With three precious boys who are very busy it quickly came apparent about a year ago that it was important to my husband I to have a peaceful and calming space just for us. I am really thankful to have the opportunity to transform it into just what we were looking for. It was more than I could’ve even hoped for and our furniture hasn’t even arrived just yet.
Our bedding from The Company Store really is keep our bed extra cozy. We chose their Bamboo Sheets, they are so comfortable, soft yet quite durable. Which is a necessity when I often am breaking up wresting matches between my older two boys and our dog happens to sleep with us also, lol. Another great piece from The Company Store is our new Blush Linen Throw. It compliments the earth tone details and textures in our room. We have had them for a month now and they really have kept up well after washing.
Nesting basket from The Dharma Door.
But back to the alone time, I quickly realized I so needed.
This afternoon I laid down in my bed with the heating pad on my back and starting to reflect on how I have been feeling emotionally lately. And it kind of hit me, I have been doing quite well considering the last few months. I feel as though I turned a corner, but every so often the thought of when or what might send me into a whole of depression.
What was different about my thinking today was that I didn’t allow myself to wander too far with those thoughts. I went back to thinking about how much speaking out and sharing my story with depression really did help with my own healing process. I felt it was only right to share this with you. So many of you found my post relatable and/or offered words of love and encouragement. I so appreciate it all. A few minutes passed and I decided it was time to dive back into one of my favorite books of 2016, Uninvited. The first time I read the book I was completely captivated. I felt as though she was speaking right to my heart, at times turning the pages was so emotional for me. And today as I read through the first few chapters again I was just filled with this reassuring peacefulness. I was reading her words and received them without such deep sadness. I was able to connect and feel encouraged that I am beginig to overcome the things that were holding me back. That the negative self talk is not ruling my life, it hasn’t disappeared but I am doing my best to let those thoughts pass as quickly as they come.
Stunning hanging wall piece by Wool and Wood Co. This is my sixth piece I have purchased from her because her work and talent is that good! Below are a few detail shots because I can’t get over all the texture and creative designs.
Lysa TerKeurst beautifully says –
Rejection may be a delay or distraction or even devastation for a season. But it’s never a final destination.
Self-rejection paves the landing strip for the rejection of others to arrive and pull on up to the gates of our hearts. Think about why it hurts so much when other people say or do things that make you feel rejected. Isn’t it in part due to the fact they just voice some vulnerability you’ve already betrayed yourself for? It hurts exponentially more when you’re kicked in an already bruised chin.
Self-rejection definitely impacted my past. Kept me from seeing things clearly and expressing myself enough. It took many hard days before I came to this realization. But it’s just a part of my healing. There are hard seasons of life, that is just the way things are. But they don’t define me or you and we don’t have to let it consume our lives.
I didn’t get to far into chapter three when I heard this little guy wake up. He has been teething a bit but typically nursing makes him feel better. So we cuddles and enjoyed the sun peaking through the window.
And shortly after in they ran, begging to watch Moana just one more time, ha. Probably for the 20th time this month already. And because I had chicken soup in the crockpot, I gladly said yes.
And surprisingly enough, we survived the day without the house crumbling down because I didn’t get everything done. Everyone was fed, rested and we took the time to really embrace each others presence.
I whole heartedly believe that hour of me time – made a big difference on how I greeted my boys when they woke up from their naps and how I will wake up tomorrow. Sixty minutes of lying in bed with my eyes closed listing to nothing but the trickle of my diffuser. Picking up a touching book, taking the time to slowly read, mark sentences, paragraphs and even pages that deeply resinated with me. And then reflect on those feelings and thoughts. We ALL need more of this.
I have been consistent with taking time out for myself lately, compared to the months past at least. And time to myself doesn’t always mean days like today but it is alone time none the less. I often have to wait to be by myself until everyone is asleep. I will sneak over to my desk and be up past midnight editing photos or writing content, watching photography videos or looking for new courses. My to do list grows longer as I dive deeper into my photography business Kristle’s Clarity Photography and I still want to to be the mother and wife I strive to be. Every single day.
I am a happy tired mama most of the time nowadays, I lose sleep but I am putting in work and even more importantly I feel good about myself. I have so much to learn and my work is far from perfect but it fills that desire in me to be creative and be something other than mama for a few hours. I pray that God will give me the discernment to know what is best for me and our family through every season of our lives as I move forward with this business. Because my family is my first priority. My everything.
It takes a lot, and if I continue to work put in the work and learn more about the art of Photography I know I can be even busier.
But with all the busyness, sometimes it is clear we can not do it all at once. We all need these slow days or even weeks to take you back to a place of peace. To get organized and settled within ones self and then go after it!
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”